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I am not your enemy – why is motherhood a battle?

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I have a four month old son. I am a mother.

This post may be somewhat contentious, it is not my intention but nonetheless it may be. The reason being? I am writing about motherhood and little did I know until four months ago what a minefield that is.

Pre motherhood I was oblivious and I am glad, I came into this arena wholly unprepared for the battle it would be.

Many of you think I am talking about the trial and tribulations of raising a child, the lack of sleep, the nappies, the concerns over health, development, growth etc… I am not. I am talking about other mothers.

Before I begin, l must stress that if you are a mother – I salute you. You are amazing, you do great and wonderful things every single day and you are doing an awesome job and I mean it sincerely.

I want to tell you something though…

I am not your enemy.

When I walk through the door of a play group, baby group, coffee shop, church or shop, I am not there to compete with you. I am not there to make you feel inadequate, I am not there for you to measure yourself against and feel smug about because you feel you are better.

I am like you.

I am learning as I go along. I had to drag myself into the shower this morning and make attempts to look presentable so that I could leave the house. I am afraid of making mistakes, of being too grumpy, too much, too little, over-involved, under involved.

I take a while to re engage in the world of adult conversation at times and so I may seem stand offish but I don’t mean it. I just need those extra five minutes to warm up. You know exactly what I am talking about.

My natural conversation topics are now baby related. So when I talk about my son’s sleeping habits it isn’t an attempt to seem as though I have a perfect child and have it all together but simply an attempt at opening a conversation and finding a common ground.

Can I ask why as mothers we look at each other with such suspicion? Why if your child is older than mine do you not deem me worth speaking to? Why do we often like to put each other down or be scathing about the little things we celebrate?

Can I ask you what you love about being a mother? Can I ask you why you don’t talk to me about that? Why don’t you tell me about all the things I have to look forward to rather than running down what I enjoy.

I am not your enemy.

If you breast feed, formula feed, have a strict routine, go with flow, bath your child every night, bath them every few days, stay at home, go to work, post selfies, keep your photos private, are part of an NCT group or not, have a child who is under a year or over a year old…

I am like you.

We are all mothers – why make it a battle?

I chose Nurture – How am I doing?

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At the beginning of the year I chose nurture as my #oneword365 and as we are now in February it’s probably an idea to think about how that is going.

I am currently sat in front of the television with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders and my husband’s monster slippers on. I have a cup of decaf tea and a bowl of sugar puffs.

My 4 month old has gone down for a nap and my slippers and cardigan are in the same room.

I consider the week ahead, our timetable of events. I feel more awake than I have for a while thanks to a good night’s sleep.

As a parent, I realise that talking about sleep, naps and being pleased my son does both can be a source of contention. In fact talking about children in general opens you up to a plethora of responses – some less than desirable. The only thing I know about is my own son. I don’t paint myself as an expert, a super parent or earth mother.

In some respects to nurture myself as a mother I should simply avoid opening my mouth to speak about anything child related but that has never really been my style. I have learnt that you need to have a thick skin and to keep talking. I have also learnt that the world of motherhood can be the most cliquey arena of all. Let’s all just talk to each other a bit more hey? At groups, in coffee shops etc… It’s not a competition, why don’t we try nurturing each other a bit more?

As a Christian, I acknowledge that I have fallen into the trap of believing there is a specific mould I should fit in to and that had rendered my silent for a while. Instead of nurturing my faith I hid away becoming slightly insular, turning up but not really being there. That’s stopped now. I speak, I contribute, I use my voice. It was quite easy to convince myself that nurture was about keeping safe and quiet.

As someone who likes to blog, I wrote a post at the beginning of the year about nurture and then stopped blaming time constraints or making excuses for my lack of posts. So easy to do, so easy to avoid writing posts but as someone who is fairly creative it wasn’t nurture just simply avoidance and giving in to the ‘I’m so busy’ mentality. The same with reading…

So it could seem like I haven’t been doing so well at nurture.

But I don’t feel that way. This isn’t a post about beating myself up because I think I have failed.

It has been about discovery, for the first month of this year I have been discovering what nurture isn’t and challenging my own perceptions of it.

I have spent a lot of time with friends, enjoying their company, asking for support when needed.

I have begun to realise that I need to allow myself to be nurtured by others and have taken steps to allow myself that vulnerability.

Nurture isn’t about hiding away, it’s about growing. It isn’t about being quiet, it’s about finding your voice and using it. It’s not about making excuses but about being proactive.

One month in and I don’t think I’m doing so badly at nurture at all.

Adding value to others

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I am feeling much more sparky and with it today. I feel like I have my energy back and by this I mean my emotional energy.

I listened to a preach this morning ‘You complete me’ and I feel like I have fully woken up. There was so much that spoke to me about where I have been in my own life and where I am seeking to move on from. If you follow me on twitter you will have seen plenty of quotes from this message – it is so rich in what it says.

I don’t want this post to simply be a précis of the message – I have included the link to encourage you to listen for yourself. This post is about thinking on a couple of the points raised and how we can ensure we are attempting to work towards them in our every day lives.

What does it mean to socialise like Jesus? Not coming, being consumed with self but looking for creative ways to add value to people.

How often in relationships or social situations do you look for ways to add value to people? In theory we would like to say we do that at all times, in all encounters that is what our relationships are about. Is that really true?

Are not relationships and encounters sometimes more about what we can gain? More about our needs and wants? About self rather than serving?

Ah, I mentioned that word – serving. Did it make you flinch or cringe slightly? The problem is, we have often taken the word serving out of context and associated it with meaning we have to do things we hate. Am I wrong? Serving in the church, serving others has begun to mean that there is a long list of things that need to be done and if you don’t do them then you feel guilty – it has become works based.

What about if we thought about serving as adding value to others. To me there is something beautiful about that, being able to be a part of something that adds value to people.

If we are to live out of the fullness of Jesus, where we are offered fullness and wholeness and completeness, we are offered peace and rest then ‘serving’ adding value to others could become a natural outpouring of our own fullness.

What would it look like if thousands of people lived, related and loved people from a full place. The knee jerk reaction was to give and add value.

Just think about that for a moment. What would it look like? Think of all that is going on in the world now. Think of the latest news stories you have read.

Was your first reaction ‘it could never happen.’?

The thing is, it could. It could start with you.

What would happen if today you sought to serve other people – you set out to add value to others. What would that look like?

What are the best ways to add value to others? What are the most creative ways?

What adds value to you – what things add value to your own life? I love encouragement. I think words are really important and powerful. Words can build up of tear down. Words can be influential, words can provide much needed healing for the soul, words can lift you, inspire you, keep you going even in the dark places.

Who could you add value to by encouraging them today?

What about giving? Again we have taken this word and learnt to associate it solely with money. Yes, giving freely of your finances to support and help others is great but there osis more to giving. Have you been content in your ‘giving’ that is solely monetary. Have you ever thought of other ways to give?

What else could you give that would add value to someone today?

How can you add value to others?

I am so struck today that we are promised a life of abundance and yet we so often live consumed by insecurity and fear. We focus inwards on self instead of on Him. We become selfish ‘all about me’ instead of selfless – All about Him.

I am expectant and excited about what God will do if we seek to add value to others and live out of the fullness of Jesus.

How about today, we focus on adding value? How about we start just where we are serving and giving and loving people?

What's on your mind?

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Today, as I sit writing this post looking out of the window at the sunshine, I want to ask you a question: What’s on your mind?

Before you saw the image with this post did you realise that is what Facebook asks you every time you update your status?

Why is it that we happily post on Facebook and Twitter about our thoughts but if I were to ask you that question right now I am guessing the initial answer might be ‘Nothing.’ or ‘Not much’ but is that true?

Even discussing ‘What’s on your mind?’ on social media is somewhat of a facade – no one ever really posts exactly what is on their mind. We post modified thoughts, acceptable thoughts, things that will appear funny and engaging. Things that will will portray what we want them them to.

What about with God? What do you say when God asks you the same question? Do you modify your answer? Go for the ‘acceptable’ stuff?

We are often carrying many thoughts in our mind, it is often full of questions, concerns, worries, to do lists. We can lose ourselves in it all sometimes. 

I really feel that today God wants to free you from all of that. Free you from your ‘thought baggage’ the things  that play in your mind over and over again that you have just accepted and learnt to deal with. The things that wake you up at night that you have never shared. The worries that you can convince yourself you have overcome but that catch you unawares when you are least expecting it. 

We are told in the word:

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Are you experiencing the freedom of a ‘sound mind’ today?

What are the things that are plaguing you, keeping you captive, holding you back?

Are you afraid to speak them aloud?

I believe today that God is calling us to speak them aloud so that he can deal with them, so that we are not held prisoner to them, so that they do not have control over us.

We do not need to be fearful – we do not have a spirit of fear.

We need to remember we are loved. We are love with an unconditional, everlasting love.

Perfect love casts out fear…

Will you tell God what’s on your mind today? The unmodified version?

 

 

Don't write off the small things…

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Hearing His Voice

I got a tweet yesterday in my timeline from @lisabevere with a link to the above message. I favourited it but did not listen to it until this morning. It is about the Holy Spirit and hearing from God. It feeds into exactly the journey I have been on recently. 

While listening I got emotional with God. I had tears. It really spoke deeply into my heart. 

Hearing from God is an odd phrase – often it is met with consternation and skepticism. It can fall into the weird category and can frighten people. We can build it up into something so big that we avoid it at all costs. We shy away from it and often times ignore it. 

For me, promptings from the Holy Spirit are not big booming voice encounters – it comes from within a nudge, a sense that I should do or say something. 

One part of the message really pierced my heart…

There are so many other things I said to you and you second guessed them.’

I know this is true in my own life – that I have felt promptings, to pray out, to sing out, to pray for people, to encourage, to acknowledge, to speak a word and I haven’t because i have second guessed myself. I have allowed fear and doubt to prevent me from doing what I have been called to do. 

I started a journal a week ago – I can see evidence of hearing from God, of being prompted by the Holy Spirit and I have been following those promptings. It hasn’t been anything ‘huge’ just small things. Sending a tweet, an email, writing a blog post but there has been fruit. There has been a momentum building. 

How often do we write off the small things? Does the word not say:

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin… Zechariah 4:10

The problem is that in our humanness we don’t want small, we desire big, we want more, we want fireworks and lights and fanfares. We go from following a prompting to wanting to build a ministry. We don’t want to start small but that is how it all begins. 

Starting small is exciting and we need to recognise that. Do you want your faith life to be a journey, an awesome adventure? Do you want to be able to see how God has worked in your life? It doesn’t happen overnight, as much as we would like it. It is about the small steps towards greater obedience. 

I love to praise and worship God. I have a real heart for worshipping. There is nothing better for me than singing my heart out to God. For me, it is through worship that the Holy Spirit stirs within me. It is through my recognition of who God is, of His love for me, of his amazing faithfulness that I feel the spirit stirring me and moving me. 

On Sunday, I went from dancing around my kitchen lost in wonder, love and praise to praying fervently for the church and weeping. That was a prompting – it came out of my worship. 

On Sunday, I was prompted to pray for a friend and I walked all the way to the back of the church, took them by the hand and said ‘Can I pray with you?’ Turns out they really needed prayer but wouldn’t have asked. 

As I listen to preaches and talks, I often hear passages read and the Holy Spirit will speak a name to me and I know I have to send them that passage. I don’t always get a response, or know how that has spoken to or affected them but does that mean I should stop?

Following promptings is not about our glory but God’s. It should not be done to get recognition for ourselves but for God. So it doesn’t matter about the response to me, it matters that I have been obedient. 

I don’t want to write off the small things. I want to make sure i don’t miss out. I want to follow every little prompting I get. 

How about you? Have you been prompted recently? Have you been too busy second guessing that you have missed opportunities? 

 Can I challenge you to follow a prompting today and see what happens? 

I want to finish with a video of a worship song that is constantly on my heart at the moment. It is about God’s faithfulness and the fact we are never alone.

Why not start from a place of worship and see where the Holy Spirit leads you today?

Getting emotional with God

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“What is it about tears that should be so terrifying? the touch of God is marked by tears…deep, soul-shaking tears, weeping…it comes when that last barrier is down and you surrender yourself to health and wholeness” David Wilkerson, The Cross and the Switchblade

I read this quote today and it really struck me. It spoke to me deeply about my own reactions to tears, it brought to mind many instances when I have experienced exactly the above. 

I would describe myself as an emotional person, I cry at adverts, I cry at new stories, I cry when I am angry, happy, frustrated. It seems to be a bit of a default and I suppose that is why when I experience tears in a spiritual context, I tend to write it off. 

I have said on many occasions ‘Why do I always get tears? Why can’t I get laughter?’ Belittling in a way the experience, the deep work that is taking place within me. But why?

In society, crying or tears are seen as weakness. A sense that you have lost control or have become ‘over emotional’. People who cry are often written off and not listened to – they have shown themselves to be fallible and incapable of maintaining their dignity.

I have sadly bought into this perception all to often and in the process been happy to write myself of as ’emotional’ as if it is a dirty word, not to be seen as a quality but to sneered at and embarrassed about. 

I believe that God is doing a work in me about this. I believe He has started gently with the quote above but I know need to accept it is a big part of who I am and who He created me to be.

On Sunday, as I prayed in my kitchen before church, I was overwhelmed by emotion and I cried. Thinking back to this now, this was about sensing God’s heart and I wiped my tears away and ‘pulled myself together’ ashamed, feeling silly. I repent of that now. 

After the service, when I prayed for friends again I was overwhelmed by tears and it was again God’s heart – I realised it more then, I did not allow it to hinder me but to spur me on and I felt that God was working, that he was moving. I accepted the tears.

Who am I to deny attributes in myself when ‘I am fearfully and wonderfully made’? I have not been called to write myself off. There are plenty who will, there is an enemy who will make sure of it but I am not to join in with that – to belittle God. 

Can we reclaim the word ’emotional’? Can we accept tears as the touch of God?

How often do we sing or pray ‘break my heart for what breaks yours’ and then berate ourselves for feeling the emotion and weeping? How often do we ask to see the world and people through God’s eyes and then put ourselves down for getting ’emotional’?

Will you join me from today and accept that tears are not a weakness but a sign that we have experienced something of the heart of God? The heart of God for those we are praying for, for our current situation, for the stories we read about and watch on the news.

Will you join me in recognising that compassion is something far more than just thinking ‘Oh that’s sad.’

Will you join me in getting emotional with God?

 

Enjoying God

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I spent the morning listening to a preach by Judah Smith about Enjoying God.

http://thecity.org/message/enjoying_god

There was so much in it that really spoke to me about where I am at the moment. It follows on from my posts about Coffee with God and Walking with God. 

As I was listening, I tweeted some of the content because I couldn’t help but want to share it. I also emailed the link to some friends who I know will be blessed by listening to the message. 

I am so fired up and inspired by what I am learning and experiencing at the moment from changing my whole approach to my relationship with God and my Christian walk. I am seeing how God is moving and working in my life and the lives of others in such a short space of time.

Keeping a journal really helps – not in a strict, I must write in it everyday kind of way but in a Wow! I need to write this down – I need to remember this, I need to be encouraged by this and I will need this to keep me going kind of way. 

There were a few snippets of the preach that really struck me…

‘A lot of us treat our relationship with God like a formal living room, to be looked at and admired but we don’t live with him.’

I was immediately reminded of my grandparents house. They had a formal living room at the front of the house and it was never used apart from on very special occasions. It was beautiful and awe inspiring but we hardly went into it. 

How true can this be of our relationship with God? We acknowledge that he is amazing, awesome, wonderful but we don’t take it any further – an arm’s length approach. A head knowledge approach – we know how to describe him and all that he is but do we know him?

Abide – continue, stay, dwell, remain. Don’t treat God like an antique piece of furniture but an Ikea couch!

I have a carving chair in my house, it was my Granddad’s. When I first got it I didn’t want anyone to sit on it. It was just to be looked at. Now, anyone can sit in it, after all that is what it is for!

I love the analogy used here – you are far more free to let people live on your Ikea couch than your antique furniture – you recognise it is it to be lived on and in. The same is true of our relationship with God – it is to be lived on and in. 

You have permission to enjoy God. You have permission to let him love you.

How often do we reduce ‘relationship’ with God to :

Daily quiet time

Reading the bible

Praying

Nothing wrong with any of those things but God wants all of our life and that means the making dinner, sitting in the sunshine, going for a walk, having a coffee, relaxing on the sofa parts of our lives too. The writing blog posts, posting on social media and watching a film parts. 

We need to stop ‘doing’ and start ‘being’

We need to stop trying to earn God’s love and favour.

We need to accept – we are loved, we are loved, we are loved.

We need to enjoy God.

How are you going to enjoy God today? How are you going to give yourself permission to accept his love?

 

 

Walking with God

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The phrase ‘walking with God’ is one that is often used but do we really think about what it means? In Genesis God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden – amazing. The closeness and depth of relationship that allowed.

It is available to us right now thanks to Jesus’ death and resurrection but how many of us take hold of it?

At times in my own ‘walk’ I am guilty of holding God at arms length, or of treating our relationship as one of sharing platitudes with a lofty far away being.

When you walk with someone, you tend to walk side by side. At times they may go ahead of you and make sure the way is clear or that you can safely navigate. As you walk, there is a dialogue, a conversation and it allows a certain closeness. You walk in the same direction and you make progress together.

Today, I felt like I was finally in step with God once again and I realised that the one thing I did differently was to just be and not do. Sounds simple? I really think it is that easy.

Recently in my Christian life I have tried to force things I realise. I had been over thinking everything that is had rendered me all but silent. I didn’t pray out because I convinced myself I needed to have all of my words in order before I began. I didn’t sing out because I only had one line. I prayed for people but didn’t step out in bringing words in case they were wrong.

This morning before church I listened to some worship songs and let myself just be and worship – out of that came a prayer for our church that resulted in tears as I saw God’s love afresh.

When we prayed before the service I was amazed to hear the words I had prayed privately in my kitchen being repeated by different members of the congregation and I prayed out myself, speaking boldly, not stumbling over my words.

After communion, there was a time of ministry and prayer. I prayed for a friend and her daughter and two other friends. As I prayed it wasn’t about me but all about what God wanted to do and say. There was a real freedom in that , one that I haven’t experienced before. I was not self conscious because there was no ‘self’ in what I was doing.

There had been a word brought about God wanting to release the gift of Prophesy – as you know if you have read my previous post about dreaming big dreams – this is on my list. I didn’t have prayer about this as I was praying for others but I felt in my heart that it had been for me and I felt really encouraged as it is only so recently I have spoken this dream aloud.

I was helping pack up after the service and the pastor spoke to me saying that he believed the word about prophesy was for me. That as soon as it was brought he thought it was for me and he looked over at me and my bump ( I am 29 weeks pregnant) and felt that God was birthing words in me, that this was a time of preparation and expectancy for things to come.

I explained that it was really exciting to hear that as I had felt that God was birthing new dreams and visions within me through my pregnancy and that I had recently finished reading ‘A life unleashed’ by Christine Caine in which she uses the stages of pregnancy to describe dreams being birthed within us.

Far too much for coincidence and so much in a short space of time from writing that first post of speaking my dreams aloud. I am definitely maintaining momentum and it is is truly exciting.

So, today I felt that I finally understood what it meant to be ‘walking with God’ and that there is no better feeling.

How is your walk with God? What has He been doing in your life? Do you need to rediscover what it means to be walking with God?

Maintaining momentum

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Yesterday, I spoke my big dreams aloud, put them out there for the whole world to see – what now?
How do I ensure that I am maintaining momentum?

The key thing for me is to ensure that I don’t push things too hard or too quickly – this is a journey and the destination is not one that can be arrived at in a few days, weeks or even months.

Therefore, I could just sit back and wait for it all to happen but that isn’t how it works. There needs to be activity day to day that ensures I keep moving forward, however small the steps, and don’t stagnate.

I read a book yesterday ‘The Grace Outpouring – blessing others through prayer’ This is the story of God’s work at Ffald-y-Brenin, a retreat centre in rural Wales. It raised a few thoughts for me :

1. The ‘Grace First’ approach. One that Christians and churches claim they have but do we in practice?

2. Praying blessing over people, the local area and the nation. This is something I want to explore further. Is there a tendency to over complicate or to try and force things?

3. Building houses of prayer. This concept really moved something within me and has got me thinking about how it could work practically in my local area. Where would it be? Who would be involved? What impact could it make?

These seeds of ideas and inspiration being sown because I focused some time on reading about what others have done – what worked and what didn’t. How it all began and grew.

These are things I need to think further about, pray over and seek God for. The important thing is doing the seeking.

Friends contacted me about my post yesterday with encouragement and words that I need to spend time weighing and meditating on.

What if I hadn’t written the post? What if I had kept everything internal?

There is a momentum and it all began with speaking aloud the desires of my heart but I can’t stop there.

When you have felt stirred, moved or inspired to act, what have you done to ensure you have maintained momentum?

Dreaming big dreams…

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Today is one of those moments, beginning a new journal full of hope and expectation – determined that you will record in it regularly but deep down knowing it will tailor off, you will become complacent, it will become another part filled book.

The thing is, that is not an option this time. This time is different. The difference is I recognise my freedom and I won’t give in to fear.

I have ‘couched with fear’ (to quote Livy Gibbs) for far too long and it has done nothing but hinder me in my spiritual life. I won’t do it anymore.

As I sit here, 28wks pregnant and feel my baby kick, I am reminded that ever since I became pregnant, I have felt The Lord is birthing something new within me. A new vision and a new hope. (I was recently reading ‘Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere and was encouraged by her feelings when she was pregnant) The veil has been removed and I now see clearly what I haven’t before.

Now is the time to dream big dreams and to step out in all God has for me.

So what does that mean? Speaking aloud the dreams I have, not being afraid to say I want to be influential for God. Not being afraid of what people might say.

1. I want to write a book
2. I want to preach
3. I want to develop the gift of prophecy and healing
4. I want to impact my society
5. I want to live by faith, no longer constrained by worry.

Pretty big dreams right? Things I cannot do on my own and in my own strength, which is exactly the point.

I have spent too long constraining myself to do the things I knew I could do and relying on myself and not God.

That is not an option for me anymore. The journey begins…

What are your big dreams? Are you brave enough to speak them aloud? I would love to hear from you.