I am not your enemy – why is motherhood a battle?

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I have a four month old son. I am a mother.

This post may be somewhat contentious, it is not my intention but nonetheless it may be. The reason being? I am writing about motherhood and little did I know until four months ago what a minefield that is.

Pre motherhood I was oblivious and I am glad, I came into this arena wholly unprepared for the battle it would be.

Many of you think I am talking about the trial and tribulations of raising a child, the lack of sleep, the nappies, the concerns over health, development, growth etc… I am not. I am talking about other mothers.

Before I begin, l must stress that if you are a mother – I salute you. You are amazing, you do great and wonderful things every single day and you are doing an awesome job and I mean it sincerely.

I want to tell you something though…

I am not your enemy.

When I walk through the door of a play group, baby group, coffee shop, church or shop, I am not there to compete with you. I am not there to make you feel inadequate, I am not there for you to measure yourself against and feel smug about because you feel you are better.

I am like you.

I am learning as I go along. I had to drag myself into the shower this morning and make attempts to look presentable so that I could leave the house. I am afraid of making mistakes, of being too grumpy, too much, too little, over-involved, under involved.

I take a while to re engage in the world of adult conversation at times and so I may seem stand offish but I don’t mean it. I just need those extra five minutes to warm up. You know exactly what I am talking about.

My natural conversation topics are now baby related. So when I talk about my son’s sleeping habits it isn’t an attempt to seem as though I have a perfect child and have it all together but simply an attempt at opening a conversation and finding a common ground.

Can I ask why as mothers we look at each other with such suspicion? Why if your child is older than mine do you not deem me worth speaking to? Why do we often like to put each other down or be scathing about the little things we celebrate?

Can I ask you what you love about being a mother? Can I ask you why you don’t talk to me about that? Why don’t you tell me about all the things I have to look forward to rather than running down what I enjoy.

I am not your enemy.

If you breast feed, formula feed, have a strict routine, go with flow, bath your child every night, bath them every few days, stay at home, go to work, post selfies, keep your photos private, are part of an NCT group or not, have a child who is under a year or over a year old…

I am like you.

We are all mothers – why make it a battle?

6 thoughts on “I am not your enemy – why is motherhood a battle?

  1. It’s so true! I think the truth is a lot of people feel unsure about their skills as a parent so they have to put others down to make themselves feel better. A better solution would be if we picked everyone up and gained self esteem by realizing there is no such thing as a perfect parent. I’ll admit, I hate myself for doing it, but I do it too. It was always a competition, oh you think your pregnancy is tough? While I am carrying twins and I am doing great….Like I said, it was all me just looking to feel validated. Great post

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    • Hi Shannon, thanks so much for commenting. You are right, we all want to feel better and think the way to do it is to put others down but it isn’t. Shame really. Just felt I had to say it as it is.

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  2. That’s such a great and honest post. I don’t have children, but all I hear from my friends that do is how awful it is. But when that baby gives them a smile, it’s the loveliest thing in the world. I think parenting is probably one of the hardest jobs in the world and everyone should be working together! I wish you luck, you are doing a great job! And good luck with NaBloPoMo – it’s my first time doing it: http://www.leatherandabel.com

    Like

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