On Sunday I did something new – I admitted my life wasn’t perfect into a microphone at the front of church.
I told everyone that I had a row with my husband right before hosting life group that week and that when my life group arrived I told them too.
I can see a few of you cringing at the thought of it – the thought of opening up your life like that, of exposing your humanness.
You see, we work so hard at hiding, hiding our faults, hiding our mistakes, hiding the very fact we are human and fallible.
All of this hiding has to stop. It has to stop because it is exhausting, it takes up almost every fiber of energy we have and it causes us to miss out. We miss out on the opportunity to let people into our messiness and the opportunity for others to feel less alone.
Guess what? After I admitted that Sunday no one accused me of failing at life, of falling short, of dispelling the myth of perfection. In fact, I am sure I audibly heard people breathe a sigh of relief, of release even.
I wasn’t mortified either, I felt very much more alive than I have in a while – it was liberating!
You see we’re very happy to model and be examples of things like prayer, giving, serving, bringing words, being out in the community, leading… I could go on but no one wants to be an example of messiness do they? No one wants to be an example of falling short despite the fact we all fall short.
The thing is until more people are happy to speak out and stand up and say ‘I’m a mess, I get it wrong a lot but this is how I’m working through it.’ all we are doing is perpetuating the myth of perfection and ultimately I believe that is far more dangerous, damaging and devastating than being vulnerable, open and sharing our fallibility.
So I’m making an attempt, my own little stand to stop it happening. I am breaking free of ‘Sunday face’ and attempting to fully embrace what it means to be real.
1. Mugs – yes, mugs – you have hundreds of them, in fact you have a whole cupboard full of them and none of them match. Also, you begin associating mugs with certain people in your group or you may commit the odd faux pas when someone asks which drink is theirs ‘You’re the cow…’
2. Beverages – for one you actually use the word. You have enough varieties of teas and coffees to stock the local cafe – decaf, filter, flavoured, caff, chai latte, hot chocolate etc. Oh and things you will never drink but you know others like – decaf early grey or lemon and ginger anyone?
3. Coasters – You have an inordinate amount of non matching coasters. These are not for your benefit but to prevent the mortified looks when you claim people can put their mugs directly on to a surface.
4. The 30 min dash – Half an hour before everyone’s designated arrival you run around hiding mess in spare rooms, re-cleaning the bathrooms for the 3rd time (just in case) realising you have run out of milk and that you are down to the ‘boring’ biscuits like rich tea (aaah, the quintessential Christian biscuit)
5. Slippers – You know you have definitely arrived as a life group host when people bring their slippers to wear to your group. You yourself should also wear slippers and perhaps have a few different pairs to spark conversation while everyone waits for drinks.
This is by no means a definitive list – please feel free to add to it in your comments.
So I am currently in limbo. There are a few things I was expecting to be resolved by today and they aren’t.
There are a few loose ends that remain untied, a few extra things yet to be ticked off the to-do list, an a couple of big unknowns.
Funny isn’t it, how the unknowns seem ok to begin with but then they creep up on you at the last minute ( 3am if you’re like me)
The fact is, things are all a bit messy and yet, in the midst of it all I find myself straying into a place of stillness and peace. Maybe it’s the eye of the storm? Maybe it’s a mirage? A created oasis in this desert place. But, when I find myself there, even though I can’t make sense of it, I am calm, at rest, my soul quietens.
I found that place at the end of my Zumba class on Wednesday, as we warmed down and the last song began my eyes were drawn to the wooden cross at the side of the stage. My Zumba class is held in a Salvation Army building.
It felt poignant so soon after Easter to find myself staring at an empty wooden cross and to be reminded of the ultimate sacrifice and then this song began…
I felt tears form and realised that I was having a moment, that something was calling deep into my heart. That this was a message for me.
You could write it all off as coincidence, I was just reading too much into it all but there in that moment I experienced God more closely than I had in a very long time and had a renenwed understanding of it all… The Cross, the love, His sacrifice, my response and although I have no idea how, I knew it is all going to be ok but at a cost.
At life group last night we sang the following words:
‘And no matter what the cost I will follow you. Jesus everything I’ve lost I have found in you…’
There’s a cost, a cost to all these loose ends, the unknowns and there has been loss but there is hope and right now I will hold on to that and to ‘My Salvation, my my’
I tweeted this quote from ‘Am I Beautiful?’ yesterday because it really spoke to me.
The world is too broken for us to be preoccupied with feeling ugly. And life is too short not to feel beautiful.
What I tend to do with books is devour them in a matter of hours and then reflect on them but something has prompted me with Chine’s book to take it one stage at at a time and not rush to the end. There are far too many gems and deep truths to decipher in one sitting.
This one quote provides enough to write a hundred blog posts on – it opens up so many avenues of thought.
Firstly, why, especially as women are we often preoccupied with feeling ugly?
For some, it becomes a default setting and it works in distracting us from the broken world around us.
What a master stroke of genius to ensure women ignore their attributes and abilities. What a way to keep us silent, static, solo.
Admit it, when you meet other women there is an element of comparison that takes place as a first thought.
There is a deep rooted sense of competition that hits us before we even consider the wider benefits of companionship. Why?
What are you and the world missing out on because you wrote that woman off as a competitor rather than a companion?
It comes down to this seed that plants in us, this word ‘ugly’.
In my previous post Beauty, Identity and asking the question I asked when we first acknowledged and had an understanding of beautiful and now I ask the same about ugly.
We all have our own definitions but where did we get them from and when? Why do we allow ourselves to be held captive by it?
What have you failed to do, say, step out into because you have allowed yourself to become defined by these words?
Think about it. Think about the women you know, those who you have allowed to become companions and those you keep at arms length as competitors. Do you need to have a rethink have you unwittingly caused someone to feel ugly because of your decision?
Do you need a rethink? Do you need to reach out? Do you need to be vulnerable and admit exactly where you are at?
Do it today. ‘Life is too short not to feel beautiful.’ this applies to you but who else needs to know it today?
To those women who I have written off, made to feel ugly or placed as competitors – I am sorry.
This image popped up on my Facebook page a few days ago and it spoke exactly to where I am right now.
Today, I am 39 weeks plus 6 days pregnant. Part of me can’t believe it and another part feels I have been pregnant forever!
So my next ‘moment’ will be motherhood. The thing is, I have no way of knowing when this ‘moment’ will arrive.
At this point it would be so easy to just become static and wait. To count down the days and hours until I reach it.
I have been offered the common place advice of eating curry, hot food, pineapple, drinking raspberry leaf tea, walking and of course sex to kick start my labour.
There is a sense of expectation and excitement of what is to come.
The quote above got me thinking though. What about right now? Does the fact I am about to have a baby make all of this time pre baby redundant? Does this current ‘moment’ I am in not matter?
I have a choice here. I can believe that as I am in a transition, I have nothing to offer until I become a mother or I can do all I can, as I can right now.
I don’t want to miss out by rushing ahead. I don’t want to miss opportunities that I will not get to have again.
Maybe this strikes a chord with you? You may not be pregnant but are you rushing to get to a new ‘moment’ rather than making the most of the one you are in?
It may not be where you want to be. It may feel uncomfortable, difficult or dull but right now it’s your ‘moment’
On the eve of the first day back to school it seems only right to blog.
Usually, at this time of year there is a real sense of expectancy about what is to come over the next academic year – how will I engage the students, what ideas can I use, when will I hit the wall? This has been routine for me for over ten years.
This year however, things are different. Yes, I am going back and excited to see the students but this time it will only be for a week. After that, maternity leave starts and along with that a new season in my life.
I had never really entertained the idea of becoming a mother, mainly because a doctor felt it was a good idea to tell me at 15 years old that I would have trouble conceiving because of having X-rays.
This was a seed that planted in my mind and I believed I would not be able to have children.
Whenever people asked, I said I wasn’t ready yet but what I wasn’t saying was that I was too frightened to even consider the idea as the doctor’s words echoed in my head on a daily basis.
3 months into trying and I fell pregnant. Still now at 37.5 weeks it is so surreal to me.
This is a new season for me, I am moving from years of being very comfortable, having a career and a routine that worked for me. Moving on from knowing what to expect, planning, organising and feeling in control.
All of that is about to change…
I believe that this is part of me growing in my faith and going on with God.
I am to be taken out of my comfort zone, which is where we need to be for God to fully work in us and through us.
I am no longer in control. I don’t know when the baby will come or what my life will be like.
I have a choice, I can either wait in fear of what is to come or wait in peace, believing that God has plans and purposes for me.
I choose the latter. I am looking forward to the adventure that lies before me. I am expectant for what is to come and I truly believe that the best is ahead!
Are you heading into a new season?
Are you letting words spoken over you hold you back?
Last night at life group we were discussing ‘Jesus on Stress’ from Phil Moore’s book ‘Gagging Jesus.’
It was interesting to have a frank discussion about the things that we get stressed about and how we deal with stress. For many of us prayer was last on the list.
That is often the case isn’t it? Prayer is our last resort – when we become desperate, when we get to our wit’s end and there is nothing else we can do to sort out what is worrying us and causing us stress.
What’s interesting in the book is that it explains that Jesus teaching on stress:
It tells us that stress is the chief symptom of our idolatry and self-worship
Read that sentence again. Quite hard hitting isn’t it? Few of us would care to admit that we partook in idolatry or self worship. The truth is, many of us are.
“I’m worried” is just another way of saying “I’m not convinced that God will do his job without me… I’m feeling stressed” is just another way of saying “I’m trying to do God’s job for him and it’s not working out for me.”
How often do you use those phrases in your everyday life?
How often do you attempt to do God’s work for Him?
In our human nature we like to be in control and the truth is we can’t be. We need to fully rely on God.
Our stress and worry draws our focus away from God and puts it onto ourself. We do all that we can to solve our own problems. We forget about prayer, talking to God. We lack faith that God will come though for us.
There were a number of contemplative silences as we discussed this last night. As the realisation sank in.
It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of life, in the issues that arise, in the striving and problem solving and desire to force things to work themselves out.
It is so easy to become self reliant, to feel that we are masters of our own universe and that we can do as good as or even a better job than God. We will sort it out faster, we know what needs to happen and we will fix it all.
The thing is, we are not called to go it alone. We are not created to be our own personal saviour.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
So, today at the end of the week how about taking Jesus up on his offer?
Go to him, find rest for your soul. Free yourself from the weight of worry and stress.
I’ve just got in from my friend’s flat. I was waiting for a delivery from Ikea. I am so thankful that delivery drivers now call an hour before – this meant I didn’t have to sit there all day but could just pop up the road about ten minutes before their arrival.
I am now waiting at my own home for another delivery within an hour window. How convenient!
That can be the problem sometimes can’t it? Convenience.
The quality of being suitable to one’s comfort, purposes, or needs
This is how we would like life to work all of the time isn’t it? Being suitable to our comfort, our purposes and our needs. But it’s not.
The life we are called to says different:
“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.”
Not much about convenience there. Comforts, needs and wants don’t seem to feature.
Now, if you are like me then the concept of denying yourself doesn’t really come naturally or seem all that appealing. Our nature is to be ‘all about me’ to think about self and ultimately be selfish. Jesus came to counter that – the Holy Spirit works within us to counter that. Thank God! There is no way I could do it alone.
In the UK at the moment we are having what we like to call a ‘heatwave’ and the rest of the world looks at us funny and quietly suggests the word ‘Summer?’
We have been through months of cold, wet, rainy weather and months of moaning and now we have sunshine and heat – it isn’t exactly convenient. We love this weather when we are abroad, when we are on holiday and relaxing but put it alongside stuffy office and tube journeys and we struggle.
Oftentimes we actually don’t know what we want. We think we want hot weather but the reality isn’t quite right. We think we want the latest gadget but it doesn’t quite live up to the hype. We think we want to be in control but in reality we realise we can’t control it all.
So we are offered an alternative : to deny ourselves, take up our cross daily and follow. Now it doesn’t sound logical, or easy or appealing at first but if you look deeper there is a freedom within that.
We can be free from ‘self’ and selfishness.
We can pursue sacrifice -giving up the things we think are important for things much more important. Be free from collecting possessions, putting others down or not seeing their worth.
We can follow – we don’t have to be in control, in charge, have all the answers. There is someone else to take the burden of leading.
I host a life group with my husband every Thursday night. Is it convenient? No, not always. Having up to 15 people in your home, making drinks, using all the milk and tea bags.
Do I always want to do it? No, sometimes I am tired and would rather put my pyjamas on watch television and have an early night.
Do I do it? Yes. Out of duty? No. So why?
I do it because despite being tired, sometimes grumpy and often staring at the milk wondering if it will last, I know that I will get far more out of it than sitting in my pyjamas watching television.
Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another.
There is a reason we are told that. It is so easy to do. Miss a life group, miss a Sunday morning and things are all ok but we slowly become more distant and more about self.
Life group is often the highlight of my week. I love my beautiful, messy group. I say that because our lives are often messy and we bring all that together and it becomes something beautiful because we share, care, pray, comfort and show love to each other and in that beautiful things happen. People are uplifted, God is glorified, we gain a new perspective.
We share and invest in each other’s lives and it is often far from convenient but it is amazing.
So how about you is your Christianity, your faith walk about convenience or is it all about the cross?
One of my favourite songs by a band called Gungor has the lyrics ‘You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of us.’
How about turning your back on convenience, facing the cross and becoming a beautiful thing?
I had a wobble this morning. The heat and being pregnant just got to me and I was crying in the kitchen before 8am and feeling I had really lost the plot.
You see, I was suddenly overwhelmed with everything that is going on over the next week and just couldn’t cope. I couldn’t manage the fact there was a delivery due today, that there is furniture being delivered to a friend’s flat over the road that I need to collect tomorrow, that our bathroom door is due to be fixed, that I am due back at work next week, that the summer holidays are coming up and we need to get the house organised for our new arrival in September.
It was like a wave hitting me all at once and I felt condemned, as if I was a failure.
A glass of water and a hug from my husband helped, as did him popping back in just after he had left for work for another hug and just to check I was ok.
As I had my shower this morning, I prayed and felt that sweet release of the perfect peace that passes all understanding wash over me and a real sense of calm.
What had happened? Yes, partly hormones, partly heat, partly pregnancy but a lot of it was to do with listening to my fears and anxieties and allowing them to take hold. Hence a rather unhealthy and demoralising response.
So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law
My initial response was to beat myself up about it. To condemn myself for my reaction, to berate myself, to remind myself what a failure I was for my reaction and to feel guilty and as though I had messed up all my progress with God.
Then, I opted for prayer.
It made me think about how easily we fall into the trap of believing the worst about ourselves over little things. How easily that sense of guilt can creep up on us and hold us captive.
This is not the life we are called to, this is not the freedom that was bought for us on the cross.
Freedom – something we all agree is a good thing. Something we all crave and aspire to feel that we have achieved. The issue is, we try to attain it alone and that doesn’t work. It cannot be earned through human effort but it has been earned for us though the work on the cross.
It is finished. It is completed.
I could have let the incident this morning affect my whole day. I could have given up, decided I was too unworthy to blog about faith and the Christian walk when I had so obviously failed. I could have become consumed by negative thoughts and feelings and just remained silent.
But, I didn’t. I was transformed by the renewing of my mind. Remembering that all have sinned and fallen short. Remembering that there is grace for us in our failures. Reminding myself that we are not perfect and that we will have moments of weakness and difficulty but it doesn’t have to consume us.
I chose to listen to the truth rather than the lies. I chose to pick myself up and start again rather than keep dwelling on what had happened.
How did your day begin? Did it have the start you anticipated?
If it did – great.
If it didn’t – who are you listening to right now? Are you in a place of guilt or a place of freedom?
Who are you focussing on? Yourself or the author and finisher of your faith?
There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Be free today.
Free from guilt, free from negative thoughts and emotions, free from lies.
I am feeling much more sparky and with it today. I feel like I have my energy back and by this I mean my emotional energy.
I listened to a preach this morning ‘You complete me’ and I feel like I have fully woken up. There was so much that spoke to me about where I have been in my own life and where I am seeking to move on from. If you follow me on twitter you will have seen plenty of quotes from this message – it is so rich in what it says.
I don’t want this post to simply be a précis of the message – I have included the link to encourage you to listen for yourself. This post is about thinking on a couple of the points raised and how we can ensure we are attempting to work towards them in our every day lives.
What does it mean to socialise like Jesus? Not coming, being consumed with self but looking for creative ways to add value to people.
How often in relationships or social situations do you look for ways to add value to people? In theory we would like to say we do that at all times, in all encounters that is what our relationships are about. Is that really true?
Are not relationships and encounters sometimes more about what we can gain? More about our needs and wants? About self rather than serving?
Ah, I mentioned that word – serving. Did it make you flinch or cringe slightly? The problem is, we have often taken the word serving out of context and associated it with meaning we have to do things we hate. Am I wrong? Serving in the church, serving others has begun to mean that there is a long list of things that need to be done and if you don’t do them then you feel guilty – it has become works based.
What about if we thought about serving as adding value to others. To me there is something beautiful about that, being able to be a part of something that adds value to people.
If we are to live out of the fullness of Jesus, where we are offered fullness and wholeness and completeness, we are offered peace and rest then ‘serving’ adding value to others could become a natural outpouring of our own fullness.
What would it look like if thousands of people lived, related and loved people from a full place. The knee jerk reaction was to give and add value.
Just think about that for a moment. What would it look like? Think of all that is going on in the world now. Think of the latest news stories you have read.
Was your first reaction ‘it could never happen.’?
The thing is, it could. It could start with you.
What would happen if today you sought to serve other people – you set out to add value to others. What would that look like?
What are the best ways to add value to others? What are the most creative ways?
What adds value to you – what things add value to your own life? I love encouragement. I think words are really important and powerful. Words can build up of tear down. Words can be influential, words can provide much needed healing for the soul, words can lift you, inspire you, keep you going even in the dark places.
Who could you add value to by encouraging them today?
What about giving? Again we have taken this word and learnt to associate it solely with money. Yes, giving freely of your finances to support and help others is great but there osis more to giving. Have you been content in your ‘giving’ that is solely monetary. Have you ever thought of other ways to give?
What else could you give that would add value to someone today?
How can you add value to others?
I am so struck today that we are promised a life of abundance and yet we so often live consumed by insecurity and fear. We focus inwards on self instead of on Him. We become selfish ‘all about me’ instead of selfless – All about Him.
I am expectant and excited about what God will do if we seek to add value to others and live out of the fullness of Jesus.
How about today, we focus on adding value? How about we start just where we are serving and giving and loving people?
shemakesmoments 