Are you a 'what it could be' friend?

http://thecity.org/message/better_together

As is my current routine, I have begun the morning listening to the above message. I like to start my day listening to truth and focussing my mind on God. It would be so easy just to turn the television on and get lost in the plethora of daytime shows but I have intentionally avoided this.

This message talks about the fact Jesus was fully grace and fully truth. 100 per cent truth and 100 per cent grace. It speaks of our struggle with this – that we tend to favour one over the other.

One quote that stuck with me today and got me thinking:

Everybody needs a ‘what it could be’ kind of friend in their life.

What does that mean exactly? We are often good at listening and supporting, we are probably better at offering advice and explaining exactly where they have gone wrong. We may even get to a point of frustration when they keep doing things that are detrimental to them and their life.

We look at the ‘truth’ that we know about them and we want to use it to judge them and call them out on it and say ‘stop!’

Many of us will not want to admit to this but if you really think about it , if you are really honest with yourself – you do this. We struggle to be gracious to people when we know a lot of the truth about them and their life. it makes it difficult for us.

Yet…

He sees and knows the truth about you fully, yet he fully extends grace. What you have done, what you are doing and what you are going to do.

We have access to one hundred per cent grace in spite of the the truth about us. How often do we offer the same to those around us?

How often have we focussed on the journey that someone has made instead of the mistake?
How often have we given someone hope – ‘It doesn’t have to be what it is’ instead of ‘It is what it is’
How often have we in spite of knowing the truth – offered grace

My guess is not too often, my guess is like me you have read those questions and they have made you think, maybe they have convicted you.

So what now?

As you have read this post has a name come to mind? Has a recent encounter come to mind?

To my friends and those who read this:

I want to say, I am sorry for the times I have said “It is what is.’ when I should have said ‘It doesn’t have to be what it is.’

I am sorry for the times that I have let the truths I have known about you cloud my ability to show you grace.

I want you to know that just like me you are not who you should be but you are not who you used to be.

I want to be a ‘what it could be.’ friend

I want to socially and relationally function full of grace and truth.

And… when I get it wrong, I hope there will be grace there for me.

Jul 10

Don't write off the small things…

Getting emotional with God

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“What is it about tears that should be so terrifying? the touch of God is marked by tears…deep, soul-shaking tears, weeping…it comes when that last barrier is down and you surrender yourself to health and wholeness” David Wilkerson, The Cross and the Switchblade

I read this quote today and it really struck me. It spoke to me deeply about my own reactions to tears, it brought to mind many instances when I have experienced exactly the above.

I would describe myself as an emotional person, I cry at adverts, I cry at new stories, I cry when I am angry, happy, frustrated. It seems to be a bit of a default and I suppose that is why when I experience tears in a spiritual context, I tend to write it off.

I have said on many occasions ‘Why do I always get tears? Why can’t I get laughter?’ Belittling in a way the experience, the deep work that is taking place within me. But why?

In society, crying or tears are seen as weakness. A sense that you have lost control or have become ‘over emotional’. People who cry are often written off and not listened to – they have shown themselves to be fallible and incapable of maintaining their dignity.

I have sadly bought into this perception all to often and in the process been happy to write myself of as ’emotional’ as if it is a dirty word, not to be seen as a quality but to sneered at and embarrassed about.

I believe that God is doing a work in me about this. I believe He has started gently with the quote above but I know need to accept it is a big part of who I am and who He created me to be.

On Sunday, as I prayed in my kitchen before church, I was overwhelmed by emotion and I cried. Thinking back to this now, this was about sensing God’s heart and I wiped my tears away and ‘pulled myself together’ ashamed, feeling silly. I repent of that now.

After the service, when I prayed for friends again I was overwhelmed by tears and it was again God’s heart – I realised it more then, I did not allow it to hinder me but to spur me on and I felt that God was working, that he was moving. I accepted the tears.

Who am I to deny attributes in myself when ‘I am fearfully and wonderfully made’? I have not been called to write myself off. There are plenty who will, there is an enemy who will make sure of it but I am not to join in with that – to belittle God.

Can we reclaim the word ’emotional’? Can we accept tears as the touch of God?

How often do we sing or pray ‘break my heart for what breaks yours’ and then berate ourselves for feeling the emotion and weeping? How often do we ask to see the world and people through God’s eyes and then put ourselves down for getting ’emotional’?

Will you join me from today and accept that tears are not a weakness but a sign that we have experienced something of the heart of God? The heart of God for those we are praying for, for our current situation, for the stories we read about and watch on the news.

Will you join me in recognising that compassion is something far more than just thinking ‘Oh that’s sad.’

Will you join me in getting emotional with God?

Jul 08

Enjoying God

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I spent the morning listening to a preach by Judah Smith about Enjoying God.

http://thecity.org/message/enjoying_god

There was so much in it that really spoke to me about where I am at the moment. It follows on from my posts about Coffee with God and Walking with God.

As I was listening, I tweeted some of the content because I couldn’t help but want to share it. I also emailed the link to some friends who I know will be blessed by listening to the message.

I am so fired up and inspired by what I am learning and experiencing at the moment from changing my whole approach to my relationship with God and my Christian walk. I am seeing how God is moving and working in my life and the lives of others in such a short space of time.

Keeping a journal really helps – not in a strict, I must write in it everyday kind of way but in a Wow! I need to write this down – I need to remember this, I need to be encouraged by this and I will need this to keep me going kind of way.

There were a few snippets of the preach that really struck me…

‘A lot of us treat our relationship with God like a formal living room, to be looked at and admired but we don’t live with him.’

I was immediately reminded of my grandparents house. They had a formal living room at the front of the house and it was never used apart from on very special occasions. It was beautiful and awe inspiring but we hardly went into it.

How true can this be of our relationship with God? We acknowledge that he is amazing, awesome, wonderful but we don’t take it any further – an arm’s length approach. A head knowledge approach – we know how to describe him and all that he is but do we know him?

Abide – continue, stay, dwell, remain. Don’t treat God like an antique piece of furniture but an Ikea couch!

I have a carving chair in my house, it was my Granddad’s. When I first got it I didn’t want anyone to sit on it. It was just to be looked at. Now, anyone can sit in it, after all that is what it is for!

I love the analogy used here – you are far more free to let people live on your Ikea couch than your antique furniture – you recognise it is it to be lived on and in. The same is true of our relationship with God – it is to be lived on and in.

You have permission to enjoy God. You have permission to let him love you.

How often do we reduce ‘relationship’ with God to :

Daily quiet time

Reading the bible

Praying

Nothing wrong with any of those things but God wants all of our life and that means the making dinner, sitting in the sunshine, going for a walk, having a coffee, relaxing on the sofa parts of our lives too. The writing blog posts, posting on social media and watching a film parts.

We need to stop ‘doing’ and start ‘being’

We need to stop trying to earn God’s love and favour.

We need to accept – we are loved, we are loved, we are loved.

We need to enjoy God.

How are you going to enjoy God today? How are you going to give yourself permission to accept his love?

Jul 07

Walking with God

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The phrase ‘walking with God’ is one that is often used but do we really think about what it means? In Genesis God walked with Adam and Eve in the garden – amazing. The closeness and depth of relationship that allowed.

It is available to us right now thanks to Jesus’ death and resurrection but how many of us take hold of it?

At times in my own ‘walk’ I am guilty of holding God at arms length, or of treating our relationship as one of sharing platitudes with a lofty far away being.

When you walk with someone, you tend to walk side by side. At times they may go ahead of you and make sure the way is clear or that you can safely navigate. As you walk, there is a dialogue, a conversation and it allows a certain closeness. You walk in the same direction and you make progress together.

Today, I felt like I was finally in step with God once again and I realised that the one thing I did differently was to just be and not do. Sounds simple? I really think it is that easy.

Recently in my Christian life I have tried to force things I realise. I had been over thinking everything that is had rendered me all but silent. I didn’t pray out because I convinced myself I needed to have all of my words in order before I began. I didn’t sing out because I only had one line. I prayed for people but didn’t step out in bringing words in case they were wrong.

This morning before church I listened to some worship songs and let myself just be and worship – out of that came a prayer for our church that resulted in tears as I saw God’s love afresh.

When we prayed before the service I was amazed to hear the words I had prayed privately in my kitchen being repeated by different members of the congregation and I prayed out myself, speaking boldly, not stumbling over my words.

After communion, there was a time of ministry and prayer. I prayed for a friend and her daughter and two other friends. As I prayed it wasn’t about me but all about what God wanted to do and say. There was a real freedom in that , one that I haven’t experienced before. I was not self conscious because there was no ‘self’ in what I was doing.

There had been a word brought about God wanting to release the gift of Prophesy – as you know if you have read my previous post about dreaming big dreams – this is on my list. I didn’t have prayer about this as I was praying for others but I felt in my heart that it had been for me and I felt really encouraged as it is only so recently I have spoken this dream aloud.

I was helping pack up after the service and the pastor spoke to me saying that he believed the word about prophesy was for me. That as soon as it was brought he thought it was for me and he looked over at me and my bump ( I am 29 weeks pregnant) and felt that God was birthing words in me, that this was a time of preparation and expectancy for things to come.

I explained that it was really exciting to hear that as I had felt that God was birthing new dreams and visions within me through my pregnancy and that I had recently finished reading ‘A life unleashed’ by Christine Caine in which she uses the stages of pregnancy to describe dreams being birthed within us.

Far too much for coincidence and so much in a short space of time from writing that first post of speaking my dreams aloud. I am definitely maintaining momentum and it is is truly exciting.

So, today I felt that I finally understood what it meant to be ‘walking with God’ and that there is no better feeling.

How is your walk with God? What has He been doing in your life? Do you need to rediscover what it means to be walking with God?

Jun 08

Fear and Faith

We are called to love…

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Have read a lot of Adrian Plass recently. Completely compelling writing, tongue in cheek at times but also quite pointed. Has made me think a lot about Christianity and church.

‘The Church’ to the outside world is often viewed as a place full of pious, out of touch people who closet themselves away on a Sunday, sing hymns and feel that they are superior to everyone else.
TV does little to dispel this myth. Have seen a couple of dramas recently where the Christian character comes across as a ‘weirdo’. One of the most high profile churches in the media is Westboro Baptist known for their messages of hatred.

Church in reality is very different. I tweeted on Sunday that I had really enjoyed church because it felt like family. Now when we consider the word family, we think of different generations, personalities, characters etc who all get together and spend time together because they are related. For me, church is the same, I spend time with people of different ages to me. I love the fact that my friends would not be considered my peer group. I have learnt so much and been really supported by having friends of different ages. This is something that is often missed out on.

Also, like family there are times you fall out, people get on your nerves and it can be strained but ultimately what unites us is so much stronger than that. There is a shared mutual love and support and an inbuilt support system when things are tough.

Sometimes we get things wrong and that is because we are all broken, messy people. We don’t have it all together but we do have each other and recognise that we are better together than we are apart.

It is not an exclusive club it is an inclusive club.

Sadly, many people will not set foot in a church because of misconception, because of the message that has often been heard, because of silence when there should have been words.

Ultimately we are called to love and we all need to get that little bit better at doing just that.

Apr 13

Broken, messy, used to failing

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Broken, messy, used to failing. Not the adjectives you would expect to be used to describe a Christian. I would use them to describe me as a Christian.

You see the opinion a lot of people have is that Christians are pious, judgemental and have it all together. The ‘holier than thou’ approach.

Is this unfair? I don’t think it is. I think the issue is that we have forgotten how to vulnerable, forgotten that ultimately we are broken and that we need help to be fixed, we can’t do it alone and that help comes from Jesus not from working on it ourselves, by doing as many good deeds as we can in the attempt to earn goodness.

Human achievement – society is based on this concept. That everything is earned through doing enough, working hard enough, being busy enough. The problem is in the attempt to earn goodness and achieve accolades we have lost the art of vulnerability. We have created a culture where vulnerability is synonymous with weakness. We strive to out busy each other, to prove we are better than the next person. We lie about the fact that we are struggling. We pretend we don’t care about others.

I myself have fallen into this trap. Why? Because I am broken and messy and at times I fail.

We don’t like the word fail but the truth is that we all do but rarely will we acknowledge it to ourselves let alone others.

In the church we have become adept at hiding our failures from one another. Forgetting the very reason we are there. We need to return to a culture of vulnerability. We need to be prepared to say to each other that we are broken and messy and that we fail. That we can’t fix it all ourselves.

If we don’t, there is the danger that we create a place where people feel they have to live up to a certain set of standards to belong and that is far from the church we are called to be.

We need to be prepared to say to the world that we don’t have it all together, that we struggle, that we don’t have all the answers, that life is hard. We need to be vulnerable. We are no better, we are not ‘holier than thou’.

We need to display that we love each other in our messes, in our troubles, in our failures. We need to show that ultimately we love.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t live out of my brokeness but I know I have brokeness. I don’t live feeling a failure but I know I fail. I don’t call myself a mess but my life can be messy.

Vulnerability is hard because it means being susceptible to attack because you let people in to your life as it is without hiding anything.

I think that means being prepared to die to self doesn’t it? forgoing reputation?

This post is my first step towards true vulnerability. What will yours be?

Apr 10

5 things I am tired of people saying…

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I am currently 17 weeks pregnant. When I announced the news publicly on Facebook most people missed it as apparently I was too subtle. Posting my scan picture was not for me so I posted the picture below:

I have since discovered that everyone I meet is a pregnancy expert and wishes to share their wealth of knowledge with me, while I am entirely grateful that I have people to talk things through with, there are 5 things I’m tired of people saying:

1. ‘Your life will never be the same!’ (with an added look of glee)
Actually, do you know what? I really believe that my life will carry on just as it is. I hadn’t taken into account the thought that things would be different. Excuse the sarcasm but stating the obvious isn’t helpful. Also, why is everyone suddenly so happy at the notion I will have to change my life and at the fact that I have no idea what is coming? It isn’t exactly encouraging.

2. ‘ Have you felt the baby yet?’
No, the answer is no and now I am starting to get anxious about it. Actually, it is completely normal for me not to have yet. How about waiting for me to tell you about it?

3. ‘Have you decided on names, what are they?
Yes, names are decided. No I am not telling you. I am allowed some secrets. The likelihood is you won’t approve of my choices and I’d rather not see your ‘really?’ face.

4. ‘Don’t plan anything in advance, you don’t know how you’ll be.’
Ok, I will just assume that I need to stay in my house for 12 months after the birth. Again, this isn’t encouraging. Yes, it will be different but it doesn’t mean I am not allowed to do things. For me, having some things planned will give me things to work towards.

5. ‘Insert birth horror story here…’
All births are different. Yes, I am aware that it isn’t all fluffy clouds and rainbows but going into minute detail about all the complications, difficulties and issues that were encountered isn’t going to help me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that people want to talk about it and share and be part of the whole thing but I am still me as well. I haven’t become just a pregnant woman. I am still able to talk about anything and everything.

Also, I am anxious enough as it is and dealing with that. What would be really helpful is for you to talk about all of the good things about being a parent. How about sharing some of your joys and happy memories?

Apr 08

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http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-22057246

This story has been all over the news. There have been a number of responses. Some calling for her to be sacked, some raising questions about social media and whether teenagers understand the potential ramifications of what they post, some stereotyping ‘teenagers’

This got me thinking back to when I was 14-16 and all of the silly things I said and did, which are not recorded on any social media sites as they weren’t around then. Lucky for me I would say. Social media can be a mind field. If you don’t have a full grasp of privacy settings or the true public nature of what you post. Facebook can be used to document moments of life, rather like a diary used to. The difference is a diary was kept hidden under your bed and Facebook is there for all to see.

Twitter captures 140 characters of thought, links, opinion. How many of us think through our tweets every time before we send? At times, the timeline becomes a battle ground and everyone is exposed to the argument or disagreement.

Do we hold ourselves as accountable as we are holding Paris Brown?

I do believe that a new type of parenting has evolved through social media, digital parenting. Children and young people do need help and guidance with navigating social media as they do in all areas of life. I feel for parents who have suddenly had to try and get their heads around Facebook and twitter, cyber bullying, trolling, giving their children a long view about the permanency of what they write.

I also believe that we have a tendency to vilify teenagers for their behaviour. We are quick to judge and write them off. We are happy to lump them all together and see them as a group to be avoided rather than individuals who deserve to be given a chance.

Recently, there have been a number of programmes about improving opportunities for disadvantage young people. Secret Millions is a good example of this. We are at last exposed to the truth of the situation. Many young people do not feel valued, do not feel they have opportunities and don’t have people around them willing to work with them and build them up.

This is not a post about parenting, we all have a responsibility for the young people in our communities. We can all speak into and affect a young person’s life for good. We are often quick to judge parents and blame them for all the problems, the same way we do with teachers and schools.

We are all accountable.

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