Saying goodbye to a performance based life

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#oneword365 it’s taken me a while to choose my word this year. I have had a few I was considering but I then had an epiphany moment, a paradigm shift of sorts. I realised that the words were all about ‘doing’ and all words that I could hold myself accountable to.

If there is one thing I want for this year it is to say goodbye to a performance based life. So my one word is enjoy.

I had got to a point of not enjoying much to be honest. Don’t get me wrong, I had plenty of enjoyable moments but they eventually become hijacked by this sense of performance and achievement.

I stopped enjoying church because I wasn’t doing enough. Why was a I there? What was the point?

I struggled with accepting my friendships and relationships because I wasn’t doing enough within them.

I stopped writing because I wasn’t doing it the right way or about the right things and I wasn’t doing it the way it should be done.

This year, enough is enough.

This year is about enjoying…

I’m not going to hold myself to account about doing. I’m not going to judge my performance of achievements- I am going to enjoy the day to day, not waiting for the next event, or thing but living in the moment and enjoying.

The first cup of coffee in the morning – savoured.
The quiet moments of the day – relished
The frantic activity when spending time with my son – delighted in
Daily commute – rested in
Conversations – no more second guessing just listening

It’s a lot about letting go of untruths I have held on to for a long time and freeing myself from ridiculously high standards I can never live up to.

It’s time to enjoy…

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Dreaming big dreams…

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Today is one of those moments, beginning a new journal full of hope and expectation – determined that you will record in it regularly but deep down knowing it will tailor off, you will become complacent, it will become another part filled book.

The thing is, that is not an option this time. This time is different. The difference is I recognise my freedom and I won’t give in to fear.

I have ‘couched with fear’ (to quote Livy Gibbs) for far too long and it has done nothing but hinder me in my spiritual life. I won’t do it anymore.

As I sit here, 28wks pregnant and feel my baby kick, I am reminded that ever since I became pregnant, I have felt The Lord is birthing something new within me. A new vision and a new hope. (I was recently reading ‘Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere and was encouraged by her feelings when she was pregnant) The veil has been removed and I now see clearly what I haven’t before.

Now is the time to dream big dreams and to step out in all God has for me.

So what does that mean? Speaking aloud the dreams I have, not being afraid to say I want to be influential for God. Not being afraid of what people might say.

1. I want to write a book
2. I want to preach
3. I want to develop the gift of prophecy and healing
4. I want to impact my society
5. I want to live by faith, no longer constrained by worry.

Pretty big dreams right? Things I cannot do on my own and in my own strength, which is exactly the point.

I have spent too long constraining myself to do the things I knew I could do and relying on myself and not God.

That is not an option for me anymore. The journey begins…

What are your big dreams? Are you brave enough to speak them aloud? I would love to hear from you.