Half term has arrived and with it conjunctivitis for little man. When I arrived home after work yesterday he looked like he had done a few rounds in the boxing ring. Thankfully the eye drops are helping but when you’re 2 years old and constantly touching your face and eyes it is no fun at all.
We had a 5:30am start this morning. Mornings like these I am grateful that we have catch up tv and Bing on series record. It was a morning of television and snuggling and dozing.
CBeebies whether you love it or hate it does serve an excellent purpose on days like this especially if you steer what is watched.
Little man then perked up after his eye drops and a quiet start to the day.
I had a few messages from a friend going through a bit of a rough patch and was able to send love and encouragement. Taking the time to be thoughtful in my responses and make sure they knew I was completely for them all the way.
Another friend visited us and we spoke for a while about a very difficult and heartbreaking situation and took the time to listen and to care and not offer any solution or way forward as sometimes there just isn’t one and it has to be worked through and out in a messy way.
We went to spend time with friends we haven’t seen for a long while and were able to reconnect and let them know they are still very much a part of who we are.
Today it has been about making time to listen and to talk. For a while, I had neglected doing that. Living only in my head and not being fully myself or really letting anyone in.
Today was about being open and being confident in who I am, not shying away from the world.
Today was about letting people know they are loved and important and cared for deeply.
Ok, so I know it isn’t pancake day anymore but it was life group night and pancake day this week so it had to be done.
This week has been trying and challenging. At the beginning of it tonight seemed like a distant dream never to arrive.
Tonight I sat round the table with a small amount of people who have the biggest impact on my life. We made pancakes, we laughed, we talked, we posed those questions we all usually keep in our heads like :
‘Why do we find it so difficult to be real with others?’
‘Why is being vulnerable and revealing our true self so hard?’
Why do we constantly pretend we have it all together and only let people know we are struggling when we reach the end of our rope?’
These people are those I am my most real and my most raw with, my warts and all people, my take me as I am people.
These people change my life on a daily basis.
Tonight, there was no where I would rather have been than sat in my kitchen making pancakes.
This week is taking its toll. I am physically and emotionally spent. Today was a long day, I left work much later than I wanted to after having a few hundred more things added to my to do list for tomorrow. This means a working evening as well.
One of my light reliefs, things that sparks joy, keep me sane at times like this is time with my 2 year old son. He is a gentle reminder of what life is all about.
Tonight, I came home to this…
A completely bushed and out for the count toddler. A, couldn’t stay awake any longer, fallen asleep in the chair toddler.
I last saw him, spoke to him, played with him, hugged him before 7am this morning.
I will next speak to him at 6am tomorrow.
This is the sacrifice of the working mother, the moment of pause that keeps me going not available for me today because I am too late.
It is the last week of term and one of the most full-on and pressurised weeks I have had so far this year.
It is one of those weeks you wish for the end of before it has even started.
Wishing away the days… Wishing for the next day, the next week to begin.
One of those weeks where you catch yourself teetering on the edge of the abyss…
This was the moment today that pulled me back. The moment that reminded me to be fully present right where I am. The moment that I made time to pause…
‘Can I just have a little drive Mummy? Would you like to sit with me while we have a little drive?’
Truth be told, we needed to leave, there was lots to do, planning, preparing, dinner to cook. But I paused and sat while we had a ‘little drive’ and we laughed and I relaxed and felt that spark of joy when life courses through your bones and you feel fully alive.
And I remembered ‘this too shall pass’ the busyness, the pressure, the stress but I won’t get to live these days again and that’s what I want to do, live them fully.