This week is taking its toll. I am physically and emotionally spent. Today was a long day, I left work much later than I wanted to after having a few hundred more things added to my to do list for tomorrow. This means a working evening as well.
One of my light reliefs, things that sparks joy, keep me sane at times like this is time with my 2 year old son. He is a gentle reminder of what life is all about.
Tonight, I came home to this…
A completely bushed and out for the count toddler. A, couldn’t stay awake any longer, fallen asleep in the chair toddler.
I last saw him, spoke to him, played with him, hugged him before 7am this morning.
I will next speak to him at 6am tomorrow.
This is the sacrifice of the working mother, the moment of pause that keeps me going not available for me today because I am too late.
It is the last week of term and one of the most full-on and pressurised weeks I have had so far this year.
It is one of those weeks you wish for the end of before it has even started.
Wishing away the days… Wishing for the next day, the next week to begin.
One of those weeks where you catch yourself teetering on the edge of the abyss…
This was the moment today that pulled me back. The moment that reminded me to be fully present right where I am. The moment that I made time to pause…
‘Can I just have a little drive Mummy? Would you like to sit with me while we have a little drive?’
Truth be told, we needed to leave, there was lots to do, planning, preparing, dinner to cook. But I paused and sat while we had a ‘little drive’ and we laughed and I relaxed and felt that spark of joy when life courses through your bones and you feel fully alive.
And I remembered ‘this too shall pass’ the busyness, the pressure, the stress but I won’t get to live these days again and that’s what I want to do, live them fully.
I returned to work today after being signed off for a week with an injury I sustained at work.
Back to leaving the house early, just after little man has woken up and returning with just a short time before his bedtime.
The weekdays allow only very limited amounts of time with him. Returning home carrying the weight of a workday on my shoulders and wanting to just collapse onto the sofa and have a bit of headspace and quiet; versus arriving home fully present and making some moments however small.
Tonight I was greeted with a delighted squeal of ‘mummy!’ and a wide-armed bear hug that righted every wrong in the world.
We made coffee.
We played ‘pancakes’
We did some puzzles.
We relaxed in the rocking chair.
We made some moments and we made them count.