Category Archives: Life

Hiding from silence

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When was the last time that you experienced silence? I mean, no talking, no TV, no Internet, no phone -no noise? Maybe when you were asleep? Did you check your phone the moment you woke up?

Sounds ridiculous when it is said out loud, how much time we spend surrounded by noise.

We watch films instead of reading books, we send tweets instead of having a conversation, we write a blog rather than a diary. Convenience, the need to be occupied, the idea of a 24/7 society.

There are of course positives of this, being able to communicate with people on the other side of the world, being more aware of situations in other countries, being able to share resources to name but a few.

What about the negatives? What about the relationships that are being eroded in real life because we invest so much time online? What about the fact we spend more time staring at a screen than looking at someone during a face to face conversation.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you cannot develop meaningful friendships online but should they involve the a sacrifice of  relationships with family and friends?

I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a phone conversation that was longer than about ten minutes. Text messages have become the norm – they are quicker, faster, more convenient.

I am currently on holiday, miles away from home. Taking a break from the busyness, the noise.
Yes, I am still using social media, yes I am still blogging but, I am having longer periods of quiet, of silence. Going for walks, sitting and looking at scenery. Listening to the wind blow leaves from the trees, watching the sunlight catch across the windowpane.

Moments without noise. I have also been reading books, in silence, without the television or radio on as accompaniment as is my usual habit. This habit grew out of finding silence scary.

At a recent conference I went to #CNMAC12 @digitalnun said that ‘Silence can be scary but it can also be healing.’

This concept really stuck with me and made me honestly think and question how much time I spent hiding from silence in noise and why I was hiding from it?

For me, it was fear. Fear of silence. The inability to be still. The frightening concept of being alone with my thoughts.

The thing is, if we are never alone with our thoughts then we begin to lose an essential part of who we are. We begin to fill ourselves full of the noise, ideas and opinions that are all around us and fail to take the time to develop our own. We lose our sense of creativity. We lose the essence of us.

Silence can be healing, it can be the opportunity to get back to who we really are, to remove all the additions, to remove all the distractions and just to be. To sit with our thoughts.

Are you hiding from the silence?

The old has gone…

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Today, I have been reading a book where the main character has the option of going back and changing the past.

This is not a new premise, it is one that is often used and discussed.

It has made me question – why?

We often think back to the past, with that rosy haze believing things were better, that we were happier. We seek to relive past moments, memories that have stuck.

Or, maybe the past didn’t have those moments and everything has a default back to it. We are desperate to escape from it but let it continually play in our minds like a smeared residue on a glass that refuses to be removed.

Think about now. Ok, there is a list of things that could be better? What about what is good right now? Take a moment.

This is something I have been challenging myself to do. My thoughts so easily fall back into old patterns. It is not healthy and it is not helpful.

When it gets tough, I hold on to the promise…

‘This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!’

It is a daily process, I don’t always find it easy. I do love the freedom it gives, the opportunity to be the real me.

Do you find that you live in the past?
Do you focus on what could be better?
Do you recognise what is good in your life right now?

Moments

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‘He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.‘  Psalm 23:2-3

Today, I went on a four and a half mile walk. I knew that I needed to get out and ‘blow the cobwebs away’ as my late grandad used to say.

You see, I have been living in my mind a bit too much recently, thinking, over-thinking, analysing, over- analysing. Getting lost in my thoughts. I don’t know if you can relate? Times like these, I know that I need to get out into nature.

Have you ever noticed how much a good walk can change your mindset? Sometimes, a cup of tea just doesn’t suffice when it comes to making things better.

The day started off cloudy, a bit like the fog going on in my mind, but as I walked some blue sky began to show and then bright sunshine beamed down. So much so, that at one point I had to remove my coat, in October!

I realised how much I had been beating myself up over things,  how much emphasis I was placing on work. It was becoming my measure for everything.

I let go of that today. My sense of worth and self does not come from work – thank goodness, but I had lost sight of it.

I had become stuck in a rut internally. Scolding myself over things I could do better. Replying scenarios. If we are not careful, we all do this.

As I walked today, I took time to notice the little things. The sound of the water, the colour of the leaves, the feel of a cooling breeze across my face. I enjoyed the moments.

I know that I need to talk more. That I internalise too much. I had a chance to take stock.

I am grateful for that chance. Grateful for that opportunity to restore my soul.

What do you need to take stock of today?

Which moments do you need to take time to enjoy?

Overcoming

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Image courtesy of [adamr] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I have just finished watching the film ‘Soul surfer’ the story of Bethany Hamilton. She lost an arm in a shark attack and yet still became a professional surfer.

One of the main themes of the film is that of overcoming.

It got me thinking about overcoming and that throughout life each of us is attempting to overcome something.

It may not be as extreme as a shark attack but it may be overcoming an obstacle, overcoming our own fears, overcoming our past, overcoming a health issue, financial issues, redundancy, bereavement.

Today, I think there are people who will read this post and it will strike a chord. To those people, I want you to know that you are not alone.

We are all striving, we are all working on something, battling something, we are all imperfect.

Let’s stop pretending. Let’s stop answering ‘I’m fine’ when it isn’t true. I am not condoning pity parties but simply asking that we talk more.

There are numerous times when the right words from someone have turned my whole day around.

Who should you be talking to?
Who could you be listening to?

When my obstacles seek to overwhelm me, when I begin to lose hope, I lift my eyes to one who is greater than all of those things.

To those who are overcoming – my prayers are with you today.

‘In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.’ John 16:33

In it for the long haul

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Yesterday, school finished for half term. One week of rest, one week away.

The funny thing is, the closer we got to the end of the day, more love was being shown by students.

We have a phrase called ‘team hugs’ where I work. This describes an appropriate show of care.

Yesterday, I got team hugs from two of our most difficult and complex students along with ‘Thank you for everything miss!’

There are moments, days and sometimes weeks in teaching when it is a slog, hard going and you question why?

All of that is worth it for the short moments I had with those two students today.

People know when you genuinely care about them. They know if you are being authentic or just going through the motions. You can’t be in it for recognition, it doesn’t work like that.

It’s a long haul thing, there are no short cuts. It is consistent day in, day out actions, despite the response.

I do my best to act out of care and love. I don’t always get it right. I make mistakes but I don’t let the mistakes define me.

There is something powerful about genuine love.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:7 ESV

Encourage

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Thursday night, I am usually shattered, ready for an early night, wanting to hide myself away from the world. We all feel this way at times.

Instead, I host up to 12 people at my house for life group, we meet  to chat, worship, pray and discuss. I meet with a group of friends, who feel like family to talk about what I am struggling  with, what is going well, what I want to do.

Their love, support and prayer enables me to cope in the difficult times, to enjoy the happy times, to cry in the miserable times and to maintain my hope.

Let’s face it life is hard, being a Christian is a challenging.

I am a Christian, that doesn’t mean I am perfect, it certainly doesn’t make me better than anyone else and it doesn’t mean I have it all together.

Each Thursday, I am encouraged to let go of the masks we so often wear, to be open, honest and vulnerable, to be the real me. The me I was created to be.

This should be scary but it allows me to be free.

We all need the opportunity to share and be listened to, to tell our story. To be honest about who we are and where we are at.

Encouragement is so important, it is something that is often lacking in our day to day lives. We need to do it more. We need to look after each other.

‘So encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing.’  1 Thessalonians 5:11

What do you think about encouragement?

When were you last encouraged?

When did you last encourage others?

Tough Day

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This is the last week of an eight week half term. I have been teaching for ten years so my body is trained to know when half term is and usually responds by shutting down and I develop what I like to call end of term itus.

This year, half term is a week later than usual. This probably sounds pretty minor, but it has a huge impact on my body and my ability to function. It is also a well known fact in the educational community that the last week of half term or a full term are the toughest. Staff are tired, students are tired and that mix is not good.

Today, I spent three hours of my day standing outside in the cold, assisting my colleagues de-escalate a child in crisis. This was emotionally demanding and required me to be a decision maker. I was also conscious of staff well being and was ensuring staff had breaks and were doing ok.

Managing staff and their emotions is tough, taking on other people’s worries and concerns can become draining and you can begin to feel empty.

 This evening, I am emotionally exhausted. I could barely hold a pen at the end of the day. The student is safe, happy and well.

 Days like today are hard going and it is so easy to just shut down and switch off. What I have learnt is that is exactly times like these that I should be talking and making sure my thoughts are in check.

It would be easy to become despondent and to give up, to say that it is not worth the effort.

The thing is, I do think that it is worth it, despite what happens. This is because I am secure in the knowledge that I have purpose and a hope.

It is on days like this that I am so glad that I can look to one who is greater than me. That I can bring all of my failings, all of my worries to a God who cares.

‘Cast your cares on The Lord and he will sustain you’ Psalm 55:22

 

 

Challenged

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Last Saturday, I attended the Christian New Media Conference. The theme of the day emerged as Tell Your Story. At the end of the conference we were challenged to take risks and use what we had learnt to tell our story. We were asked to think about what we could do in the next 12 months.

I decided that this would be my way of telling my story… we are tasked with doing so in Psalm 107 ‘Let the redeemed tell their story…’ this is where the blog name came from and this is to be me, taking up the challenge I was given.

All I can tell you is that I will be posting about my story, the good, the bad, the reality and I am hoping that others may agree to share their stories. Let’s turn the page!